Juan Valdez“When you are lying about your name, you’ve lost all of your credibility.” Arizona Rep Chad Campbell.

According to the Arizona Republic, John Valdez, democratic candidate for the Arizona State House, is actually Hispanic immigrant Juan Valdez. I guess that means John could be a big liar.

Nothing wrong with that of course, some of my best friends are liars. In fact, I had one doing my lawn until he was swept up by the authorities. But why assume the worst? Here’s a man who left behind his beloved burro and thriving coffee business to chase the American Dream.

Juan says he changed his name because he’s fully assimilated into America. One of his opponents, Representative Chad, says it’s because Juan is hiding a dark criminal past. The smoking gun? Nine years back Juan got well and truly pissed and fired a pistol into the air.

Dubious ethnicity, lying, liquor and firearms … I think Chad may owe the man an apology. Clearly Juan has assimilated. You can’t get any more American than that.

On the net – Azcentral

Goodbye HummerAP – “Lagging sales of trucks and larger cars have caught General Motors by surprise.”

The news has been grim of late: GM asleep at the wheel, American corporations lured away like cheap whores, the dollar down on it’s knees, ass in the air, Americans reeling from the hellish drain of high fuel prices, and there’s nary a hybrid on the lot.

If only someone had seen this coming. There are whispers Barack Obama and his followers will slaughter a Hummer with the name “Bush” painted on its side, then dip their fists in motor oil and scream “death to Republicans.” It doesn’t matter if this is just the idle talk of stoned liberals. People say Barack Obama’s Muslim and black. So he’s surely capable of something like this. Read the rest of this entry »

Chhom Nimol of Dengue FeverIt’s been reported the feds tried to deport Chhom Nimol the sexy lead singer of Dengue Fever. It appears they thought Nimol was a Mexican who’d overstayed her visa.

It happens in America. One day you’re a hardworking Asian. The next a lazy Mexican. Nimol, a Cambodian immigrant, spent 22 days in detention.

“Jail was scary,” Nimol told L.A. Beat. “I was feeling afraid I was going to be sent back to my country.”

I’m on record as being against deporting Asian women. Put them to work in brothels. Then after five years, or whenever they start to look played, they can have their precious green cards. But deportation?

Hey, we’re not savages over here. Read the rest of this entry »

“… the clothes that he wears, the way he comes his hair, he’s just that funky Blax-i-can”

Kemo the BlaxicanYou might remember Kemo the Blaxican from Delinquent Habits. Back in the day the group laid down a sick track called “Tres Delinquentes,” an eye-popping bong hit of old school mariachi and dark hip-hop.

Then Kemo, who calls himself Blaxican because he’s black and Mexican, took his bilingual act solo, releasing an album called “Simple Plan. The shit’s tight. As if Funk, Samba, Jazz, Salsa and Soul were all rolled into one big-ass joint.

Two songs really stand out, “La Receta” (sidebar), and “Nobody Likes” (below), which features the sexy and soulful Monica Ortiz. Grab the headphones give Kemo a taste after the leap … Read the rest of this entry »

silver ball scratcherAmericans have been scratching their testicles the same way since George Washington battled the Minotaur. Not the English. They’ve made a startling leap past their knuckle-dragging cousins with the help of something called “The Gentleman’s Ball Scratcher.”

Don’t be intimidated by the title. This device is deceptively easy to use. Even for Americans. It’s designed to mimic the knowing palm of an Asian concubine. You just slip it into your pants and have at it. You won’t even need to put down your Beefeater and tonic.

You have to admire the English. They’re so cultured and refined. So effete, they even refuse to go down on their women. It’s said they employ Frenchmen for that.

Vote for Cojito at Humor-Blogs.com

On the net – Find class and sweet relief over on Ebay.