Married women: 55% cheat, 45% lie

The great Silent Bob once said …

“There’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of ‘em just cheat on you.”

I say beware of a woman wielding lasagna Silent Bob. Because she’ll steal your weed, and then bang your fat friend for a part in his next flick.

Most people still believe the canard that cheaters are mostly men. To all of you I say, you haven’t met my ex-wife, or her friends, or now that I think on it, most of the women I’ve dated.

It’s a brave new world out there kids. No longer will you catch the odd, guilt-ridden wife banging the next door neighbor. Now the whole town’s a rocking. So don’t you come a knockin’ mmkay?

According to an article in an obscure men’s magazine, 55% of married women have engaged in extramarital sex. Of that 55%, 90% thought it was a damn fine idea.

I say, good for you ladies. I respect your honesty, and your libido. I just want to know what’s up with the other 45%. My guess is that most of these sinners simply couldn’t bring themselves to confess, or are too ugly to score.

Researchers argue that the increase in infidelity is due to changing sex roles. Today’s woman has more power, more opportunity to chase her sexual dreams. And that’s a recipe for good times, because there are plenty of kind men eager to help a girl reach her goals. What can I say, we’re givers.

Most men I know cheat out of profound boredom. If you’ve ever been married you know what I’m on about. Women, the study claims, are more likely to cheat because they don’t feel emotionally connected with their partner.

Well, boo-hoo. If that’s true why is it women always find a guy with a fat wallet, fast car, or big dick? Why are none of these women banging that small-dicked, sensitive man selling sweaters downtown? I ask, because I am that man.

There’s no hope married people. That’s the bottom line. Accept you partner’s infidelity, or don’t get married. Simple as that. We all get bored with the same ol’ same ol’. I don’t care if you marry a stripper or Brad Pitt, sooner or later you’ll start looking around for someone else to fill you up.

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On the Net - men.style.com

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