New cola tastes like Pepsi - only bloodier

Filed Under Sik NewZ |

el che cola

There’s a new beverage in town, and it’s set to overthrow cola’s ruling elite. Those that have tried it say the new cola tastes a little like Pepsi.

That is, if Pepsi hadn’t taken a shower in weeks, and was stained with the blood of hundreds of dead Cubans.

Perfect for ignorant assholes?

J.M (el Chancho) Ferreira, is the founder of El Che Cola. We reached him via satellite phone at his remote lair near La Higuera Boliva. J.M. told Daily Distractions he thinks El Che Cola will be especially popular with campus radicals, Chavez supporters, and Sean Penn.

Che Cola is a tribute to the legendary Ernesto Che Guevara, known for his commitment to fighting injustices for a more equal world. Made from the finest natural ingredients its elaboration received particular attention from the “El Ché-Cola” development staff.

We have news for you J.M. The proletariat we interviewed thought the elaboration of Che Cola was good, but not splattering brains over hot Cuban soil good.

J.M tells us he’s urging everyone to become part of the new Che revolution. In honor of Ernesto Che Guevara, J.M. will donate 50% of the profits to humanitarian projects.

The rest of the profits will be used to furnish a lavish lifestyle for J.M and his partners - just like Che would have wanted.

To be fair, Daily Distractions has offered that same deal to our readers. Buy or donate here, and half the money will go to a fund for needy Panamanian hookers.

The only difference, Cojito hasn’t killed any of the natives. Yet.

joe stalin

J.M. Ferreira says his company will release another revolutionary product this spring. A line of low tar cigarettes named after a man who also imagined himself a defender of the poor: Joseph (Koba) Stalin.

Update!

J.M wanted us to remind everyone his Idi Amin steak knives make excellent last minute stocking stuffers.

On the net - Che Cola

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