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Dec
28
Some of My Best Friends are MILFs
Filed Under Celebrity News |
They say that once you go MILF you never go back. I hope that’s not true. Because 2007 was the year both Mila Jovovich and Jessica Alba went MILF on us.
I don’t know about you, but the thought of Mila waddling around the set of Resident Evil 3 with drooping teats is almost too much to bear.
I know, I should be livid about the tool spending billions to stir up a hornets nest in the Middle East, or the recent assassination of Benazir Bhutto by those icky freaks, but I just can’t get past the news that there are men selfish enough to impregnate Mila Jovovich and Jessica Alba.
I don’t know who these dogs are, or what they’ve been smoking, but it’s one thing to believe you might install a democracy in some far flug land, or slaughter some Pakistani woman like a goat in the street, quite another to believe you have a right to despoil celebrity hotness.
Look, I love MILF poon as much as the next man. I’ve even dated a couple of MILFs. Really, they’re wonderful people. And next to Brazilian Ass, and Thai ladyboy porn, it tops my list of fetishes. But like Icarus, Mila has gone too far, too fast.
Word is she’s put on 70 pounds. In an interview with Grazia magazine, Mila had this to say:
“Before I got pregnant, I really didn’t care about food. I saw it as fuel, not something to sit down and enjoy. As an actress and model, I lived on cigarettes and coffee, and jet-lag tended to kill off any appetite I had.
“My diet for most of this year has been - for breakfast, four eggs with bacon, toast and butter, if I was at home. Then if I was at a diner, I’d have a Mexican omlette, a stack of pancakes and strawberry milkshake.
“I’d stuff myself with cookies all morning - whatever was in the cupboard really - then I’d have a box of Krispy Kreme donuts for dessert. And I once ate two whole packs of coffee cake in one sitting!”
You hear that? A box of Krispy Kremes for dessert. She’s one of us now. Once you start craving glazed donuts there’s no turning back. Just ask Kirstie Alley.
I dunno, perhaps the world could survive without the hotness of Mila Jovovich. But this week the press noted Jessica Alba’s belly is starting to show signs of a whelp growing within.
I fear for the survival of the species. I really do. Never have I been more sure the end is near. If Bush, the fundamentalists, and those two condom-less fools have their way we would all be doomed.
So you take your holiday cheer and shove it. When I look back at 2007 I see only bitterness and tears.
Related - 2 videos featuring Mila Jovovich. And a hot video collection of Jessica Alba photos.
First time at casa del culo? Bend over, this won't hurt a a bit.
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Mila gained 70 pounds, a box of KKD’s in one sitting… hehe . Kirstie alley is a cow. They both ate too friggin much and now are dealing with bloated asses from the jelly doughnut binges. I still love MILF’s and cougars. Just thin ones without the stretch marks.