Just because you’re down there with all the cockroaches, baby gravy, and used tissues, that doesn’t mean you can get away with unladylike behavior. Our staff of seasoned sluts has put together the 20 most important rules of proper glory hole etiquette.

glory hole girl
1. Bring a clean towel to wipe off genitals after use.

2. Share lube.

3. Return sex toys to their proper place.

4. It’s considered impolite to talk with your mouth full of wang. (It’s also bad form to tell Mrs Wang what you’ve been doing with Mr Wang.)

5. Not matter what you’ve gleaned from TV infomercials, fellatio is hard work. Stay hydrated. But do not leave your Gatorade bottle laying around. Take it with you as you move from booth to booth.

6. Turn cell phones off.

7. Do not stare at other sluts.

8. Do not grunt or orgasm loudly.

9. Wear clean panties and have good personal hygiene. Do not wear white panties after labor day.

10. Keep conversations to a minimum. Do not talk politics, especially with Ralph Reed.

11. Invitations are not needed. Get on your hands and knees and wait.

12. Do not monopolize the glory hole. Keep it to an hour or less.

13. Anyone experiencing multiple orgasms should send thank you notes.

14. Wait your turn, do interrupt other people when they are getting busy. If someone bothers you, gently tell them to wait until you are done sucking. Be sure and give the penis your full attention. If a line is forming for your services, wave, wink, or use your free hand to let them know you are aware of their presence.

15. Name calling is encouraged.

16. Always greet someone when they come over to your booth. It’s not necessary to shake hands with others at the glory hole. But you should always say something like, “Sheriff Joe, you again?,” or “Hey, my man Pat Robertson, did those runny sores ever heal up?,” when a regular visits so they feel welcome.

17. Clean up after yourself. It’s your mess. If your partner leaves his junk, remind them that they need to clean up before the next activity can begin.

18. Remember, if you are thanked, wipe the jizz from you lips and say “You’re welcome”.

19. No matter the outcome, be pleasant. If you orgasm first, don’t gloat, show off, or high five other sluts. If your partner cums first, don’t sulk or get mad, be a good sport and tell them “Well played sir,” or “Nice load.”

20. Avoid putting others down by pointing out they often orgasm in less than 10 seconds, or have ridiculously tiny genitals.

Bonus tip: Respect differences. When people do things differently because of diversity in culture, race, or religion, be respectful. For example, when a Catholic priest asks you to squeal like an alter boy, respect the Catholic tradition and go with it. Because of guilt and a profound need for secrecy, you’ll find that priests are often your best tippers.

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