Only the coolest motherfuckers you’ll never get to meet.

Our head writer Cojito is the creator of Panama After Hours, an in-your-face web zine covering the ex-pat life in Panama. He’s lived in Panama City Panama for several years, and makes his living writing and playing poker.

In other words – he’s a stone cold loser.

On the other hand, our staff of interns is made up of mostly untalented hacks, D- students, sex addicts, and the guy who’s always screaming crazy shit on the corner.

Can I hire that guy screaming crazy shit on the corner?

No. But Cojito’s available. His absurdly low rates are:

$20 for a short news brief.

$80 for a satire posting.

$100 for a gonzo piece.

Cojito also writes for productive website traffic, and is open to regular writing assignments with blogs, newspapers and magazines. Cojito is a whore.

What kind of a name is Daily Distractions?

Yeah, we know. Crap name. But in our defense , we didn’t pick it, we bought the site cheap over at Digital Point because we liked the theme.

Then, after a hard night, we decided to junk the theme and create this ezine. Which gives you a little insight into just how stoned and capricious we can be at times.

What’s Cojito doing at Daily Distractions?

The old boy needed a spot where he could post articles unrelated to Panama. He will continue to write for Panama After Hours.

Why the fake name?

Cojito likes to tell everyone that an alias facilitates his writing process. Total crap. He’s just another internet pussy who talks a lot of shit and is afraid of getting the crap beaten out of him.

How often is the site updated?

Several times a week, or whenever we sober up.

What are the critics saying about Daily Distractions?

“Cojito, you’re one of the great jack-off artists of the 21st century.” (ex-wife)

“Can I touch your penis my child?” (Catholic priest)

“Please stop all this. You bring shame on our family.” (Mom)

Can I write for Daily Distractions?

Yes! Um, I mean, that’d be cool I guess. We’d love to feature, and collaborate with other writers. In fact, we’d go so far as to say we need other writers to contribute.

The good news: the bar’s not set too high. The bad news: we don’t pay for submissions. Each author gets a link, credit, and, if he’s any good, will become wildly famous.

In short, if you write for Daily Distractions you will become irresistible to the opposite sex. Cojito may be a starving artist, but he hasn’t had to jack-off in years.

He only masturbates because he wants to. His hot girlfriend still hasn’t found the right stroke.

What kind of writing do you want?

Let’s put it this way, we don’t want to know what’s in your medicine cabinet.* You can be funny, irreverent, edgy, or topical, – but please make it interesting. Be forewarned, this is a humor/satire Zine and we’re awfully pretentious. It’s quite possible we’ll edit or trash your work.

* unless its a bloody knife, weed, a still-vibrating sex toy, or nude photos of your ex-wife.

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