“Cojito - what do you have against the Catholic Church?”

I know. Mocking the religion that gave the world sexually repressed teen girls in short plaid skirts is like chewing off the nipple that feeds me.

Certainly we can credit this pedophile/S&M cult with a pant-load of our kinky fetishes. Smother the human sex drive for a few thousand years and you can’t help but end up with a population preoccupied with sex. So I salute them for that. Really, that alone should get most of the clergy into heaven.

But there’s a more sinister side to this Jesus business. I could tell you I mock them because Catholics and their imaginary friends are silly, or because I’ve read a little about the inquisition, the witch burnings, the wars started and endorsed, the obscene wealth, yet tax free status, the self-flagellating, anti-gay, anti-woman, anti-sex, anti-Jewish, anti-science, anti-human lunacy …

but mostly, it’s because of the boy fucking.

On the net - No Beliefs

Watch it! We're updating the site. Until we're ready there's always Koolaid.

The other day a friend looking over my collection of used books said - “What’s with all Bukowski? He wasn’t that great a writer.”

Maybe not. But at the end of the day, the only thing Buk wanted was to write, drink, gamble, and fuck. And I can relate to that.

If you haven’t read Charles Bukowski, you should. Consider this next clip, featuring a hot stripper, Matt Dillon, and some damn fine writing, as your introduction to the Bukowski ethos.

Video taken from “Factotum” … Read the rest of this entry »

It’s no secret average men buy flash cars to impress hot girls. Truth is, without sex as an incentive, we’d all be tooling around in rusty pickups. But the price of oil is making even the most sex-crazed male re-think his rig. Read the rest of this entry »

Just because you’re down there with all the cockroaches, baby gravy, and used tissues, that doesn’t mean you can get away with unladylike behavior. Our staff of seasoned sluts has put together the 20 most important rules of proper glory hole etiquette.

1. Bring a clean towel to wipe off genitals after use.

2. Share lube.

3. Return sex toys to their proper place.

4. It’s considered impolite to talk with your mouth full of wang. (It’s also bad form to tell Mrs Wang what you’ve been doing with Mr Wang.)

5. Not matter what you’ve gleaned from TV infomercials, fellatio is hard work. Stay hydrated. But do not leave your Gatorade bottle laying around. Take it with you as you move from booth to booth.

6. Turn cell phones off. Read the rest of this entry »

“Cojito, there’s an important election in the U.S. and you’re still writing sexist porn. Have you gone crazy?” Mary H.

Mary, a very good question. I do seem to write a lot about sex, donkeys and strippers. Does that make me crazy? Probably.

While I don’t think sex is in any way demeaning, or men’s interest in the female form is in any way abnormal, I probably should post something that portrays donkeys in a more positive light. And I would. But I think it’s a sign of weakness to cater to the whims of the general public.

That’s because the vast majority of Americans are idiots Mary. How else do we explain the national embarrassment known as George Bush? You mention the election. At the moment voters are angry with the Bush administration. As if America’s problems were his fault and not ours.

We’re the one’s who voted Forest Gump into office. We’re the ones ignorant of the outside world. Most Americans believe in ghosts, gods, astrology, and creationism. So it’s not surprising we get herded about like scared sheep. And you know what happens to sheep Mary. They get sheared, slaughtered or fucked.

So Mary, unless you’re willing to send in naked pics of your tight ass and perky teets, or overhaul the educational system in the U.S., I’ll continue to post what I like. And you, and the rest of America’s sexually repressed idiots can go fuck yourselves.

Hope that helps - Cojito

Gnarls Barkley is the coolest.