the wasp womanAfter about a half dozen pints at the pub I finally got my friend Juan to stop hitting on our waitress long enough for me to explain my problem. I’d been with my girlfriend all summer, and it just wasn’t working out.

“She’s a sweet girl. The sex is good. But I’m starting to feel trapped,” I said.

Now whether this was an accurate take on our relationship, proof of my latent homosexuality, or the naked fear of commitment is irrelevant. I was 20. I didn’t need marriage, or a committed relationship. I just needed sex.

“She’s so psyched about living together.” I said. “And I don’t want to hurt her.”

I imagine I confided in Juan because he always had a hot girlfriend. In fact, he’d had one or two of mine. And when the time was right he had no problem telling his girlfriends to fuck off.

Juan (or as we liked to call him “el Bicho”), couldn’t afford college, so he went to work for a pest control company right out of high school. I was a house painter when I wasn’t studying writing at Umass Boston. And between all the weed, work chemicals, and beer, we were both fairly tweaked that night.

“You know wha you deal ees buddy?” he said. “You a fuckin’ pussy. Betta get rid of her now. If you wait, you really be fucked.”

Juan went on to claim that his work as a pest control expert gave him a unique insight into this problem. And then he insisted I buy him another Guinness as payment for what I am about to tell you. Read the rest of this entry »

old airstreamWe live in a high speed, high debt, high stress world my friends. Well, you do. I live in an Airstream down by the river. But the point is, men don’t thrive on a treadmill.

Women probably don’t either. Although it’s a great way to keep them fit. Bottom line, modern life can be demanding, stressful, and sometimes we all need to take a step back and regain our equilibrium.

How can we do that? Read the rest of this entry »

kids and divorceCambridge Mass – After years of rigorous study, M.I.T. researchers have learned that despite what Doctor Phil may have told you, children are always to blame for divorce.

“The couples we studied all reported their relationship went downhill soon after the conception of their child,” said Tom Jenkins a senior researcher at M.I.T.

Typically, mothers say they don’t feel human with that thing growing inside. Men can’t stand the sight of either of them. Testing also revealed that children remind parents that the best part of their lives is over.

“Children are neither innocent, nor blameless,” noted Jenkins. “They are filthy little drool-monkeys who make Mom and Dad sticky and miserable.” Read the rest of this entry »

serial killerYou may be a sex criminal, or a murdering bastard, but the last thing you want is to bring shame on your family. It’s one thing to expose your genitals, or eat human flesh, quite another to dress like a hippie.

Good news. No more waiting for the fall collection to find out what fashionable perverts should be wearing this year. Just follow these video tips and you’ll be molesting in style. Read the rest of this entry »

Just because you’re down there with all the cockroaches, baby gravy, and used tissues, that doesn’t mean you can get away with unladylike behavior. Our staff of seasoned sluts has put together the 20 most important rules of proper glory hole etiquette.

glory hole girl
1. Bring a clean towel to wipe off genitals after use.

2. Share lube.

3. Return sex toys to their proper place.

4. It’s considered impolite to talk with your mouth full of wang. (It’s also bad form to tell Mrs Wang what you’ve been doing with Mr Wang.)

5. Not matter what you’ve gleaned from TV infomercials, fellatio is hard work. Stay hydrated. But do not leave your Gatorade bottle laying around. Take it with you as you move from booth to booth.

6. Turn cell phones off. Read the rest of this entry »