George Bush has small penisKottke.org has compiled an amusing collection of answers to the question that’s been looming on America’s front lawn like a flaming cross: What if Obama wins?

Will Barack Obama team up with the Clintons to steal all our white women? Or will it all go down as Andrew Crow suggests, and “unicorns will crap ice cream and pastries.”

No doubt Andrew’s a more keen observer of the American political scene than I. I’m really just hoping Obama won’t embarrass himself, a la George Bush, and boast to Vladimir Putin that he’s got a cock the size of a telephone pole.

huma abedin

Poor Hilary Clinton. I almost feel bad for her. Here she is, in what might be the final meaningful battle for the democratic nomination, and the internet’s ablaze with news of an alleged lesbian affair with super sexy Huma Abedin.

Hillary’s half-Pakistani lackey is hot I’ll grant you that. Huma Abedin would make a worthy presidential mistress. But the word is she’s very “conservative.” And would not be into any girl on girl action.

Real or imagined, does this scandal have the potential to push Hillary over the edge? Bill maybe. You know how he gets around lesbians. But not Hillary. She’s tough.

If anything, a bisexual affair helps the cause. You see, Cankles Hillary is not particularly popular with men. That’s because she comes off as smarter, and more masculine than they are.

Hillary’s appeal is mostly with women. So we’d suggest she throw up a sexy viral video over on Red Tube and Porno Hub fast. And Hillary, wear leather if you do. No one wants to see you naked.

If Hillary promises that a video, or pictures of a nude Huma Abedin will be forthcoming, I’ll forgive Hillary’s dumb-ass support for the Iraq war, and go on record right now as endorsing Hillary Clinton for president of the United States.

Otherwise she’s toast.

On the net – The Observer