pope drinks beer

That creepy looking man on the left has many aliases: El Papa, Big Daddy, Holy Father, and the Vicar of V-city. But he was calling himself Pope when photographers caught him downing lager with one of his homies.

Not long afterwards Pope Benedict announced that in 2008 the Vatican would be getting all Medieval on mankind. From here on out, he said, men and women must avoid an additional 7 sins. The so-called “7 Social Sins”.

Benedict’s social 7 are:

1. “Bio-ethical’ violations such as birth control
2. “Morally dubious” experiments such as stem cell research
3. Drug abuse
4. Polluting the environment
5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
6. Excessive wealth
7. Creating poverty

jenna jameson pic

As I’ve always said, this is what happens when you elect a beer drinking bible thumper to be grand wizard. We’d have been much better off with one of those pedophile priests manning the ship. Smoke some weed, make a pile of loot, clone a hot pornstar, those cats are down with anything.

On the Net – 7 New Sins

Angkor Wat

Baltimore 11/15 – Boston’s Cardinal O’malley turned up the heat on evil today when he announced that Catholics still voting for pro-abortion Democrats, “borders on scandal.”

The Cardinal made his comments at the U.S. conference of Catholic Bishops. “Legal abortion is an intrinsic evil. The destruction of innocent human life is always wrong,” the Bishops declared in a typically long and dreary document.

Studies suggest childbirth in the U.S. has fallen dramatically. And for years Catholic leaders have been alarmed by the growing numbers of abortions. Catholics make up about one-fifth of the American electorate, but represent a much larger portion of the pedophile electorate.

It’s feared a dwindling prepubescent population could lead to a crisis of faith, a soul drain of sorts, with many of the church elders moving on to greener pastures; teaching kindergarten, or volunteering for the boy-scouts for example.

Normally, the Bishops’ document gets mailed out to all the parishes; but this year the cash-strapped bishops’ conference decided it was more cost effective to post it on the NAMBLA website.

A Democratic National Committee spokesman was quick to respond to the Cardinal’s charges. He vigorously defended his party, arguing that Cardinal O’malley really didn’t understand the issue, was Irish, and like Sen Ted Kennedy, probably pissed on Chivas.

“I just hope O’malley doesn’t run off a bridge on his way home and hurt someone,” the evil one said. “And tell that punk-ass Cardinal we’re thinking of voting on a measure of our own. We’ll be asking the Bishops to register as sex offenders whenever they move into a new neighborhood.”

On the Net – Boston Globe

Pictured Above – Angkor Wat (circa 1150), performing an abortion by pounding a mallet into a woman’s belly.

god hates gays?anonymous scholars

Westboro, Idaho – Speaking on the condition of anonymity a biblical scholar has released a new and damning study that proves what conservatives have been saying all along: God hates fags.

Daily Distractions asked for a Republican reaction to the breaking news. But when we caught up with Senator Larry E. Craig in a bathroom stall he was not interested in rubbing salt in any wounds.

He prefaced his remarks by tapping his wingtips and making odd sucking sounds, then said, “I’m not gay, nor am I involved in any inappropriate conduct at the Minneapolis airport or anywhere else.”

Our interns also contacted Monsignor Tommaso Stenico for the official catholic position. On the Vatican website the Monsignor says he’s become alarmed by the gay problem. So much so that he’s begun frequenting online gay chat rooms , and meeting with homosexual men.

The Monsignor is telling everyone he’s gay, well hung, and into anal in order to gather information about “those who damage the image of the Church with homosexual activity.”

“But the truth is,” said Monsignor Tommaso Stenico, “I’m not really all that well hung.”

big penis

Over in Kawasaki Japan Shinto priests were too busy with the “Kanamara Matsuri,” or “Festival of the Godzilla Penis” to respond. But a layman claimed:

“We worship giant straight penis. Everyone know god no rike gay man.”

Daily Distractions finally caught up with the author of this fascinating biblical study on a street corner in Idaho.

DD – Professor you spent six years on this study, what was the most shocking thing to come from this research?

BS – This may be difficult for homosexuals to accept, but we learned that the Christian God really hates fags, gays are evil sodomites, and the lord will punish them with eternal damnation.

DD – Really? That is surprising. Some of my best friends are Christians.

BS – Sure, everyone thinks that.

DD – And Muslims?

BS – We hit a roadblock there. Muslims are very clever. The Koran’s written is some kind of strange script. I have no idea what’s in it.

My focus was on the King James Bible, specifically the 67th book.

DD – 67th?

BS – The 67th is entitled “The Book of Fred.” And it really crushes Jesus’ claim that we should love our brother, and Saint Augustine’s quaint notion that we should love the sinner and hate the sin.

The book of Fred tells us that we should hate the sinner, the sin, and anything else Fred Phelps doesn’t like. And it reminds us we have a sacred duty to warn others of God’s anger.

DD – If God’s so angry so why doesn’t he smite priests sexing-up young boys?

BS – It’s revealed in the book that churches are made up of idolaters and fag-enablers. So believers are advised to protest the funerals of dead American soldiers.

DD – Huh?

BS – You’re a heathen. You can’t possibly understand the mysteries of the Christian faith. All you need to know is that unless you do as Fred asks you’re going to burn in hell.

DD – Bummer. What about metrosexuals. Will they be thrown into a pit of hellfire?

BS – Of course.

DD – You sure? ‘Cause metrosexuals aren’t full-on gay.

BS – I’m sure.

DD – Damn. What else?

BS – Among Fred’s more shocking revelations:

America is a sodomite nation of flag-worshiping idolaters.

Ireland is a sad, sick, sodomite culture.

Even the leprechauns of Ireland are likely to be fags.

Al Gore is a famous fag pimp.

God hates Sweden, Canada, and America.

Minneapolis is the land of the Sodomite damned.

On the net – Republica | Wikipedia | Metropolis